Articles of Faith for Mo Culture (12-13)

Here are the final articles of faith for Mormon culture. You can find the other articles of faith by clicking here (1-4), here (5-6), here (7-9), and here (10-11).

12. We believe in being subject to scoutmasters, pampered chef hostesses, and the writers of the U.S. News and World Report Rankings for professional schools, and in obeying, honoring, and sustaining Glenn Beck.

13. We believe in being above average, good at crafts, optimistic, and being fifteen minutes late everywhere we go. Indeed, we may say that we follow BYU football. We believe rumors about famous people joining the church, we hope to meet the three Nephites, we have endured many pyramid schemes, and hope to be able to endure all pyramid schemes. If there is anything cheap, free, sold in bulk, or given away when somebody is moving, we seek after these things.

Articles of Faith for Mo Culture (10-11)

Here are two more articles of faith for Mormon culture. You can find the other articles of faith by clicking here (1-4), here (5-6), and here (7-9).

10. We believe in the literal mixing of ketchup and mayo and in the generous application of ranch dressing; that CBAs (church-based acronyms) will be used to describe YM/YW, PEC, the Y, NCMO, and CTR; that Mitt Romney will get Mormons to vote for him any time he runs; and, that the Mormons will enjoy reading Twilight and The Work and the Glory.

11. We claim the privilege of trying to identify common acquaintances with any visitor at church, and allow all other people at church the same privilege, and let them name drop the names of FaMos and general authorities how, where, or what they may.

Articles of Faith for Mo Culture (7-9)

For the past couple of posts, I have been laying out proposed articles of faith for Mormon culture. You can find the other articles of faith by clicking here (1-4) and here (5-6). Anyways, here is my best stab at Articles 7-9:

7. We believe in the gift of the re-gift, church books, crafts, family photos, baked goods, emergency supply kits, and so forth.

8. We believe in sparkling grape juice so long as it is nonalcoholic; we also believe in bringing root beer and sprite to ward parties.

9. We believe in all that we have scrapbooked, all that we will now scrapbook, and we believe that we will yet scrapbook many great and important things pertaining to our family, friends, pets, and vacations.

Articles of Faith for Mo Culture (5-6)

A few days ago, I posted the first four Articles of Faith for Mo Culture. I have slightly revised them based on the comments I received. Here are the next two:

5. We believe that a Mormon should have a distinguished or a cute name, that it is appropriate to name a child after a church leader or a historical figure including an ancestor, that alternative spellings and French prefixes only add to a name, and that when referring to the names of General Authorities, middle initials should be a part thereof.

6. We believe in the same wall decor that exists in many Mormon homes, namely, framed family proclamations, vinyl lettering, inspirational word signs, family photos, pictures of temples and Jesus, and so forth.

* My last two posts on Twitter deal with the Sixth Article of Faith of Mo Culture. Check them out by clicking here.

Articles of Faith for Mo Culture (1-4)

Joseph Smith wrote up the Articles of Faith for the Mormon Church as a thoughtful response to a letter from a newspaper publisher inquiring about the church's beliefs. Today, Mormons still rely on the same explanations to define and differentiate their beliefs.

In fact, Mormons teach their kids to sing them. This not only teaches the children these principles but also, honestly, introduces the children to simple yet annoying melodies. Some Mormon congregations may even teach the children some rudimentary sign language as actions to these songs.

A while back, I proposed an article of faith to explain an aspect of Mormon culture. One of the commenters to that post suggested I come up with twelve more. At the time, I thought it was a pretty good idea. It has taken me a while to get around to it, but here are the first four--three of them new and one old. I hope to post nine more over the next couple of weeks.

1. We believe in SUVs and minivans, as the form of transportation, and in knee length shorts, which are always nice, and in the multilevel marking.

2. We believe that church ball players should be punished for their own fouls, and not for unsportsmanlike aggression.

3. We believe that through bread crumbs, cheese, creamy soups, and rice all casseroles can be saved—though obedience to ward cookbooks and creativity in the mixing bowl.

4. We believe that the first layers and ingredients of the Dip are: first, beans; second, cheese; third, chopped tomatoes; fourth, the gift of sour cream; fifth, olives; sixth, salsa; seventh, guacamole—that is, if you have it.

Mormons Like Kris Allen

As you probably know, Kris Allen won this year's American Idol contest. Part of me says, "Whoop-Dee-Doo." But, another part of me is impressed with the momentum he gained over the course of the competition. He literally came out of nowhere to overtake the front runners. While thinking of his momentum, I began to wonder if he had any MoMentum.

It seems quite likely that he does. He's looks like a clean-cut guy, and he is not shy of discussing his devotion to his own church. So, on looks and attitude, the guy could blend in at some place like BYU pretty easily. Yeah, he is no Brooke White, but he definitely gives off that J-Crew vibe more than David Archuletta does. In contrast, the other guy who vied for the top spot on American Idol--Adam Lambert--would have a bit harder time blending in at BYU. That is not saying it is impossible for Adam to blend in at BYU. I imagine that he could--theoretically--hide behind a shrub or bookshelf on campus or something.

Mormons might also like Kris because he spells his name "Kris" and not "Chris"--a nice alternative spelling. It would have been better had he insisted on using a middle initial in his name as well, but the alternative spelling of course is nothing to sneeze at.

All this is helpful, but what iced it for me was Kris's response to winning: "Are you freaking kidding me?!" Huh?! He resorted to Mormon swearing?! When he did, I was pretty much at a loss for words. I sat there stunned and then blurted the first thing that came out: "Are you freaking kidding me?!" At that point I knew it. The guy has MoMentum.

* By the way, I have started a new blog. Check it out by clicking here.

Mormons Like the Creative Marriage Proposal

When asking another to consider marriage, some--but not all--Mormons feel compelled to find a creative and/or memorable way to pop the question. The standby example of this is to arrange to pop the question on the jumbo tron at a basketball arena. This, however, has become so commonplace that it is really only truly memorable when the answer is "no". Others will go to great lengths to engineer surprise or a romantic atmosphere--jumping out of nowhere with a string quartet and a dozen roses, getting down on one knee, and having Howie Mandel come from behind a corner and say, "Deal or no deal?"

What is behind this? Well, some may argue that this is a result of Mormons putting such a great importance on marriage. I mean, if you are going to be with the person forever, the moment should be memorable, right? This may sound sentimental, but there is also practical thinking behind this: a few years can blur a memory, so just think what an eternity can do. Without some flare, Mormons have reason to fear that memories of the proposals in A Princess Bride or Pride and Prejudice will outlive their own. "No Honey, I did not do that. You must be thinking of Edward from Twilight" is not something Mormons want to say in the hereafter.

Others might argue that the Mormon commitment to high-effort proposals is in part due to the fact that Mormons marry so young. When a Mormon marries fresh out of high school, the Mormon proposing runs the risk that the proposal will pale in comparison to the creative antics your sweetheart's last romantic interest performed just to ask for a date to a school dance called "Monster Mash."

Still others will argue that Mormons did not always put so much energy into proposals. But, since Mormons did away with polygamy in the 19th century, the importance of the proposal has increased. "Hey, if I get one shot of this, I might as well do this right," the logic goes.

I think, however, that Mormon proposal antics relate to the Mormon desire to stand above the crowd. Although Mormons can't excel in all things, they strive to excel when the chips are really on the table. (Is it just me, or shouldn't Mormons say "when the chips and dip are on the table"?) In the Mormon mind, it is a way to say, "Yeah, so what if I am not the greatest dentist in the world or have the most distinguished middle initial in my name?! When it really matters, I've got game." Unfortunately, due to years of church basketball, the phrase, "I've got game" is too often followed with the reflexive "Face! You friggin' fetcher."

* For those of you who already follow me on Twitter, forgive the redundancy. However, if you have not already seen it, prepare yourself for a crappy way to give the bride a ring:

Video Courtesy of KSL.com